Therapy for Free: Deep Breathing
Therapists love deep breathing. There is certainly a therapist stereotype that has us painted as people who sit, ask “how does that make you feel?”, and tell you to take deep breaths.
Hopefully, any therapist you see is actually offering more than that, but there is something to the deep breathing stuff. We call it diaphragmatic breathing, which means bringing your breath all the way into your diaphragm, a major respiratory muscle that sits below the lungs. We also call it belly breathing, as it looks like breathing from your belly as opposed to breathing from your chest.
We love deep breathing for many reasons. First, this kind of breathing activates the parasympathetic nervous system, the one that helps us calm down. When we are in distress, one of the first things we can do is to assist the body in calming down so that we are better able to make level-headed choices. It’s difficult to think when emotions are high, and deep breathing can bring us back to a place where we have more access to decision-making, logic, and communication skills. Sometimes we need those.
Taking time for deep breathing also implies taking time to respond versus react. When we take the space for deep breaths, it means we have noticed we are in an elevated state and are doing something about it. Noticing that, in and of itself, is great. Doing something about it is even better— it means we have not ignored our feelings, and have taken some time between what happened and deciding how we’d like to respond. One of my favorite quotes that I bring into therapy often is by philosopher Viktor Frankl, who survived a concentration camp:
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
Deep breathing is something that really allows us that space. That space to choose, and proceed intentionally.
I also see deep breathing as one of the primary things we can learn to begin to self-soothe. If you are someone who has a hard time making yourself feel better, learning to self-soothe is essential. Ultimately, we spend most of our time alone, with ourselves, with our pain; finding ways to soothe ourselves is absolutely critical, and a skill worth practicing. Deep breathing is a great place to start. It is relatively small act that we can do for ourselves that allows us to recognize and meet our own needs, and to help ourselves feel better.
So, how do you do it?
I found it quite challenging at first. I was used to breathing from my chest (isn’t that where the lungs are?) and found breathing diaphragmatically felt very unnatural as I was learning. The easiest ways I’ve found to access this kind of breathing are:
Lie down. It’s just easier to do on your back. Once there, place one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Try to breathe so that your chest hand is not moving, and only your belly hand is. I find it easiest to fully fill my belly with air as I inhale (pushing the belly out, like you have a food baby), and then contract my belly as I exhale (contract in, to the bellybutton). It feels kind of like reverse breathing at first, but you do get used to it. Once you get the hang of your belly expanding as you inhale and contracting as you exhale, try to do it sitting up.
While sitting up, place your hands on each side the bottom of your rib cage. Try to make your ribcage expand outward, so that you can see your hands move away from you. Try to inhale and expand for as long as you can, then narrow the ribcage back in on the exhale.
Different people have all kinds of different preferences for the pacing of their breathing. I personally like to remember one key thing—long inhales, extra long exhales. As long as you can get them. Most find breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth to be the most calming, but you can figure out what feels best for you.
Others like to add in more variations of counts and holds. For example, some like:
Square Breathing: inhale for four counts, hold in for four counts, exhale for four counts, hold out for four counts. You can pick any length for the count, whatever is comfortable.
Vagal Breathing: inhale for four counts, hold in for four counts, exhale for eight counts, begin again.
Reverse Nostril Breathing: Hold closed one nostril as you breath out for four counts, then out for four counts. Switch nostrils and repeat, in for four counts and out for four counts.
We usually go for about 5 to 10 breaths like this before returning to natural breathing, but of course, take a break and begin natural breathing should you feel any discomfort.
Try different kinds of breathing to see what works best for you. Everyone is different.
A key note: I highly recommend practicing diaphragmatic breathing when you are not in distress, so that it’s more useful when you are in distress. We want the body to associate this type of breathing with being calm. We don’t want to only associate it with overwhelming feelings. We want the body to learn that it knows how to calm down, and for you to trust your body can do it. So, practice when you’re feeling good. It’s like building muscle memory. Your body will then be well-practiced for when it’s really needed.
Happy breathing!